Together We Can End Slavery . . . Again!

Punch Blame in the Face!


Responsibility-Takers Get in the Ring With Blame-Givers

Pop, Pop, POW!  2 Moves to a Knock Out

Are you a responsibility-taker? People pleaser? Do you think others will follow that lead, return kindness for kindness? This may hit you like a right hook — you’re a blame-taking target. Two words of advice: Watch out.

If you stand up for the enslaved, I hate to tell you this, you’ll attract blame-givers, responsibility-takers just do.

Blamers expectorate responsibility. Blame comes out of their mouth the way a boxer uses his spit bucket. They don’t have to plan what to say, “That’s your problem”, is a reflex.

Example, you planned an event. Someone you know wants to add an information booth (sure). They deliver it to your house (nice). Later they call, “You’ll need to find a volunteer for the booth.”  Whose problem is this? And who will be blamed if the booth is not staffed? It’s your problem—Not!

But wait, what if your reflex is to find someone. After all, we want the same things, community and good-will , right? Wrong.

Check your reflex. Is this people-pleasing, responsibility-taking, or passion for the work?  If your answer is yes to any of these you will likely feel better finding a volunteer.  It’s not better.

Don’t do it.

Before you say OK, pause.

  • Stop: “Get back to me and I’ll let you know.”
  • Block: “If you find a volunteer, I’ll drive them.”
  • Knock out: “I can’t commit to that.”

Does this sound easy? Then, if you please, select the Facebook option “Share” and go back to surfing the net.

Does this sound hard? Keep reading.

Good news: You’re not alone

There are others a lot like you; amazing people who maintain a constant flow of goodwill and a readiness to take on responsibility.

Bad news: You’re insecure

But that’s not news at all: People know you’re insecure. Blamers sniff it out, like beef on a BBQ.

It’s time to paw the ground, and snort, like a bull.

Does that make you feel nervous as if you’re breaking a rule, like you’ll be rejected if you paw, or snort? You are in a corner.

Responsibility-takers get cornered because of biases: gender, age, race, height, or any hierarchical bias that says to them, others are allowed to stop, block and knock out: You are NOT allowed.

Responsibility-takers feel guilty at the thought of stop and block. Fearing rejection because, I haven’t earned enough respect;  enough good-will; enough confidence to challenge, make delays, ask questions, or say no.

Get out of the corner and square off! It’s easy. And surprisingly gentle.

1. Tell yourself you are the most delightful daring person and YOU CAN DO THE STOP AND BLOCK. This is self-affirmation  And it can change everything.

“I’ll think about it. Call me later . . . “ There you go, you are making someone wait and it is OK. This small start can be the beginning of the end your responsibility-taking pattern.

2. The one-liner.  It has the power to replace anxiety with peace during the stop and block. I mean that. Tell yourself, they will be fine, I will be fine. It will change the way you feel. Try it.

Punch Blame in the Face

This is where the gloves come off. Blame falls flat on the mat if you simply say no. So do it. Punch blame in the face with a knock-out no. Or start with a stop and block.

Either way tell yourself it is enough—because it is.

Actually, it’s a Gift

Even your honest no-answer is a gift.

Tweet that.

Pop pop POW! You did it. Knocked out  blame and bias with the unbeatable combo: affirmation, affirmation,  one-liner. Of course you had to punch blame in the face to win. But it’s worth it. And it might even make you feel dangerous.

Have you worked with a blame-giver? Is your reflex to take on more responsibility?  How do you deal with the reflex to do too much?




About Marilyn Luinstra

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  • ed daniel

    I’m confused. Don’t know what to make off this article. I will try to read it again, when i have a fresh mind, tomorrow.

    • Marilyn Luinstra

      Hi Eddie. Hyphens. I used two hyphenated words. That likely added confusion.
      Thank you for posting.